Don't make any plans

I feel like God has a funny way of reminding you that you're never really in control of what goes on in your life. You know that old saying about how if you want to make God laugh then just tell him your plans?

Rewind back to the end of October where I had finally came to the decision that I was going to defer from university for a year. I never had any real reason to take a year out apart from the fact that i wasn't 100% enjoying it but definitely could've stayed on without any issues. When i met with my tutor to tell him, he asked what my plan was and i was stumped. I didn't have a serious one but knew it felt right to take some time out. In my head i convinced myself that between work and blogging, i would be able to keep myself busy. I was interested to see where my blog could take me if i really focused on it so left his office feeling optimistic that i had it all semi-figured out. We even bought our little pooch that same week which was enough to keep me busy 24/7. He was a little blessing to me and brought instant happiness. I'd never felt so content with my new found freedom from studying and Rocco to swoon over day after day. Then we got the surprise of our lives...

We were pregnant.

There was no denying it if the speed of those little blue lines appearing are anything to go by. The moment you find out you're pregnant never turns out like you imagine it to. No signs or symptoms, no inclinations that i could be. I wouldn't have even taken the test if it wasn't for Josh's impatience. That night we found out will always be one of the happiest memories i've ever expereinced.

I was so smug with myself that i had decided to take time out from uni at the most perfect time and would have all the time in the world to focus on getting healthy and taking care of my new puppy, then about a week later, sickness hit me like a tidal wave.

Morning sickness is a silly, silly term and should be banned as it doesn't describe what you're going through at all. If only it existed in the mornings and you could get on with your day as normal. What a dream that would be. I was one of the unlucky ones in the sense that i felt nauseous as soon as i opened my eyes on the pillow to closing them at night. The thought, look and smell of food was enough to have me running to the bathroom every hour and the utter exhaustion is enough to think you're dying. I know there are some who would give anything to feel and experience everything pregnancy has to offer (believe me, i was one of them) but its no easy ride. Growing another tiny person inside is no easy feat. But in a way, feeling so different made me grateful as it was a constant reminder that something was happening inside of me. It was proof that it wasn't all in my head.

Those first 12 weeks were the longest of my life! Time had truly stood still. If you could see my google history, you'd laugh and think i was demented. It was my new obsession. The words "normal" and "pregnancy" were my new favourite words to search.

But the most comforting thing about this whole new, exciting (and scary) experience for me is knowing that nothing is in my control. What will be will be and everything will work out the way it is supposed to. That may sound scary to some, but it gives me comfort knowing that regardless of what may or may not happen, i'm taken care of by something much bigger than myself. The whole experience so far has really helped me understand how loved we are and how aware God is of our desires and circumstances. I said at the beginning of 2015 that i wanted to be pregnant before the year was out and through faith, love and many, many prayers there we were, on the last day of 2015, watching our little baby wriggle around on the screen right in front of us.

I have gone back and forth in my mind whether or not i wanted to write about my pregnancy on my blog since deciding in the summer to focus purely on fashion, but after realising how obsessed i am with reading other peoples stories and experiences, i figured i may as well share my own with others who may be looking for the same thing i was. Its almost like going through it together, regardless if you know the person or not.

So back to blogging it is. I can't promise that i'll be consistent with my posts until i feel 100% out of this new pregnancy slump that I'm STILL in, but ill try my best! Let me know if there are things you want me to talk about or cover, or if you're a mamma to be like me, reach out and lets be friends! I'd love to hear all about your journey too (and of course, any advice is welcome!)

SLC xxx